Psychologist Eli Finkel said people today expected a lot more out of their marriage than people did in the past, which is probably not a bad thing and goes with all of the other world changes. We expect a lot more out of most things now!
Finkel is a professor of social psychology at America’s Northwestern University and is known for developing, what he likes to call, a simple marriage-saving procedure!
He said, before 1850, people didn’t walk down the aisle for love, but for food production and shelter and protection. Ironically, he said people were often satisfied if they felt any emotional connection to their spouse.
Finkel said people today look for the marriage to make them a better person, but he said it was up to the individual to fulfil that void.
Finkel and his colleagues offer three options: find resources available including friends, hobbies and work; give a lot in your marriage to get a lot back; and/or just expect high personal expectations and self discovery.
A leading Swiss-born, British-based philosopher and television presenter on love and other matters, Alain de Botton, held talks, earlier this month about love at the Sydney Opera House.
Botton states that the person that is best suited for someone is not the person who shares our every thought and feeling, but the person who can negotiate every thought and feeling! So, basically the person who is good at disagreements.
Louis CK’s quote: Divorce is good news because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce.
And a quote I love from Botton: “Those who divorce aren’t necessarily the most unhappy, just those neatly able to believe their misery is caused by one other person.”
I watched a recent interview on the ABC and Botton said that it’s time to divorce if you think all of your problems are someone else’s fault, but he said if you don’t think that, then you will be able to keep working through things!
Relationships are complex because people are complex, but the great thing is we never stop learning about ourselves when we are interacting with others.